


Kiss me in the dark of night

by StrangeNoise



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Anxiety, Bev has the only braincell of the group, Bisexual Beverly Marsh, Bisexual Eddie Kaspbrak, Consent is key, Dancing, Drunk Kissing, Explicit Consent, Fluff, Frottage, Gay Richie Tozier, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Lack of Communication, M/M, Matchmaker Beverly Marsh, Mentions of Violence, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Plans For The Future, Pre-Relationship, Richie Tozier Has a Big Dick, Smut, Weddings, mentions of canon-typical homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:14:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25591852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeNoise/pseuds/StrangeNoise
Summary: On their last night in Derry Richie and Eddie share a drunk kiss. Scared and ashamed the next morning, Richie decides never to mention it again even though the unspoken 'secret' impacts their friendship more and more. When both men attend Bev's wedding, it's up to the bride's matchmaking skills to try and give those two their happy end...
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Comments: 5
Kudos: 75





	Kiss me in the dark of night

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been living in my brain for almost a year now and camp nano FINALLY helped me get it out to the world. I am now freed and can move on to other things! 
> 
> Special shoutout to @callunavlgaris on twitter for listening to me yell about this for the past weeks!

„To finally leaving this piece of shit town behind for good”, Richie shouted and raised his glass. The other Losers rolled their eyes but raised their glasses, as well. It almost felt like that night a few weeks ago when they had first returned to Derry to fight IT for the second time in their lives. Except that now the clown was dead, and hopefully, there would be no monster-fortune cookies during this dinner. Everyone was happy they made it out alive and excited for what the future held for them.

It had been several weeks since they had defeated IT, and the six of them were more than eager to get out of Derry now. The only reason they had stayed this long in the first place was their fear of forgetting about each other again. That and Eddie lying lifeless in a hospital bed for several far-too-long days. Memories of that they still came to Richie in flashes that left him nauseous and upset. The weight of Eddie’s lifeless body in his arms. The smell of sewage and blood. The deafening sounds of the Neibolt house collapsing behind them after they had just made it out. And finally, the relief of lying Eddie’s body down on the grass and watching the gaping wound in his chest magically close on its own. Richie had long since stopped being a religious person but, that day, he had thanked every deity in every pantheon for saving the man he loved. 

By the time Eddie had been brought to the hospital, all that his body had left to deal with was the blood loss. And while that surely was an awful thing to go through, Richie had figured it was better with a closed chest than with one that had a gaping wound in it. Still, Eddie had been in a coma for six days. When he had finally woken up, his chest had already been fully healed and only a scar was left to remind him and the Losers of what had happened.

It had seemed like the universe was finally working some magic to grant the Losers a little bit of luck and happiness. That included the call Mike had received two days before Eddie had woken up and in which Stan’s wife had told him that Stan had woken up in a morgue somewhere and scared a cleaning lady half to death. 

With all that good news, the other Losers finally allowed themselves to be a little more hopeful about their own futures. Most of the past weeks had been spent getting their lives back in order. For most of them, the future wasn’t as clear as they wanted it to be. Yet, the five of them were excited about the things to come as they met again, early on Saturday in a steakhouse on the edge of town to celebrate their victory and their new lives.

Richie was only a little sad that Eddie wasn’t with them. He’d visited him this morning, and the other man had seemed perfectly fine and healthy. But the doctors suggested he stay until Monday so they could be sure that he wasn’t going to have some late symptoms or complications. And if there was any authority in the world Eddie listened to, it was doctors.

That assumption made Richie’s surprise all the bigger when the group got into some light conversation and suddenly a familiar voice behind him called out: “Hey guys, got room for one more?” 

Before Richie could even react, Mike and Bill were already on their feet, dragging an extra chair over and asking a waiter for another menu so Eddie could order. It took a minute or two for them to settle down and stop shouting at each other to get over the initial surprise to see Eddie join them. When they had finally all calmed down, they waited for Eddie to tell them why he was even here. 

“We weren’t expecting you”, Bev summarized their collective surprise, “Not that we’re not happy to see you, but what brought this on?” 

“Discharged myself.” Eddie looked a little sheepish as he said it, and Richie’s heart jumped in his chest. For the smaller man, this had to be an act of rebellion of epic proportions “I talked to a doctor around noon, and he told me they were only keeping me until Monday to be extra sure I don’t die but if I wanted to leave I could. And I decided I’d rather spend my Saturday night with you guys than in a hospital.” 

“I gotta say, I would’ve never expected you of all people to leave a hospital early”, Richie said and cordially clapped Eddie on the back. The other man curled in on himself and let out a shout of pain that had several people at other tables turn towards them. It took Richie a moment to realize what he’d just done and, then he was apologizing profusely for the next several moments. Through all his excitement and with how well Eddie looked, he had completely forgotten that the other man had been impaled not too long ago and that it would probably hurt quite a bit to be hit on a still-healing wound like this. Before Richie could do more than get a single apology out, Eddie went on a rant about how this was surely going to mess with the healing process that lasted almost until their appetizers were served.

Richie didn’t really mind, though. He was just happy to get to spend this night with his friends. Nevertheless, an unbidden thought snuck into the back of his mind as it often had these past weeks. This dinner meant that the next day they would all go their separate ways again. And sure, they had all exchanged phone numbers and promised each other to stay in touch but the fear of forgetting about each other again lingered. Especially when it came to Eddie, Richie was terrified of not remembering him a few months down the line. Even more so, when he hadn’t known, Eddie would be here tonight and had to assume he would leave the next morning without seeing the shorter man again.

Now, with Eddie sitting by his side and stealing an occasional chickpea from Mike’s appetizer platter, Richie felt a little calmer but melancholy at the same time. If coming back to Derry had brought anything positive for him it was the realization that he still loved Eddie as if the past decades of not even knowing the other existed hadn’t happened at all. But even here, Richie wasn’t too sure if that could be considered a positive thing given Eddie was married, and there was no way he would ever be with Richie. In the end, crushes were only fun if there was some kind of chance of it leading somewhere someday.

Conversation flowed easily between the six of them but no matter how much he joked with Bev or teased Bill about the critiques of his books he had read online, Richie couldn’t stop thinking about how tomorrow Eddie would go home to his wife and he would go back to his lonely house. About three drinks into the night, Richie wondered if maybe he should just tell Eddie how he felt. Sure, it wouldn’t do him any good but at least it would be a weight off his chest and he could stop feeling like a creep for stealing occasional glances whenever he thought Eddie wasn’t paying attention to him. But then he remembered that no one in this room but he even knew that he was gay and that telling Eddie he had a crush on him had the potential to destroy their friendship.

So instead of telling anyone anything, Richie focused on his food and getting Bill drunk for his own amusement.

Doubt and sadness reared their ugly heads from time to time, but it was nothing a swig of bourbon couldn’t fix. Richie hadn’t planned on getting drunk. But if his brain wanted to be like that, he would show the lump of meat who’s boss. 

That mentality combined with the combativeness of Bev, Bill, and Eddie led to the four of them being pretty drunk by the end of dinner. The waiter looked equal parts annoyed and relieved when they finally asked for the bill. Since uber was pretty much non-existent in Derry – most of the others had walked the 40 minutes from the townhouse to the restaurant since they planned on getting a drink or two – Mike suggested he could just drive back to the library since he had come by car and then come back with the library’s van to pick the rest of them up. Everyone agreed, and Mike left to get the van, while Ben looked after his four drunk friends in the parking lot. 

Richie wanted to comment on how he looked like the world’s hottest kindergarten teacher, but then Eddie walked over, and that became more important. The alcohol in his system had brought a flush to the smaller man's cheeks and a twinkle to his eyes that Richie found absolutely endearing. For a split-second, he thought about mentioning his feelings again, but he just about managed to rein himself in.

“It’s going to be weird going home tomorrow…” Eddie crossed his arms in front of his chest as he said it, his gaze wandered into the distance. Richie nodded along, worried that he would say something colossally stupid if he dared open his mouth. “I mean…I don’t mind leaving this shit town behind for good, but it’s gonna be weird not seeing you guys every day.” A hint of sadness stole itself into his eyes that made Richie want to give Eddie a hug. But since he feared he would be unable to let go if he did that, he did what he did best instead and made light of the situation.

“Oh yeah, I feel you dude”, he said with an overly dramatic sigh, “Who else do I have in my life who’s absolutely going to lose their shit at being called a nickname, huh, Spaghetti?” Eddie rolled his eyes and hit him on the arm, and Richie laughed. The gravity was lifted for a few moments until Eddie went quiet once more.

“I’m gonna miss you, you know”, he told Richie and the brunet’s heart stopped in his chest for several seconds, “I know I’ve said this like a thousand times already but you’re my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without you. If it weren’t for you, I’d probably be dead underneath the ruins of the Neibolt house, and there’s no way I can ever repay you. I’m just so happy to have you back in my life.”

Before Richie could say anything, Eddie threw his arms around him and pulled the taller man into a tight hug. Tentatively, Richie allowed himself to wrap his arms around Eddie’s shoulders and rub at his back as a true friend would. Because that was what they were, he thought, friends. He could only hope Eddie wouldn’t notice how fast his heart was beating inside his chest just from holding the smaller man. Richie’s heart wanted to spill over, but before he could open his mouth and say anything, a car honked next to them, and they jumped apart yelping. Mike laughed in the driver’s seat, and Eddie cursed up a storm as he climbed into the van. Richie followed and drank up every word. God, he was so in love.

Richie didn’t have much time to ponder on that thought, however. The car ride made him realize how drunk he really was. By the time they made it back to the Derry townhouse, and he stepped out of the van, he was surprised he had managed to get even two words out when he spoke to Eddie in the parking lot. Richie staggered up the steps to the main entrance after yelling some far-too-loud goodbyes into Mike’s direction.

“Geez, you really got hammered”, Bev commented behind him. Richie turned to make a snarky comment but saw that she was basically being carried by Ben, unable to walk anymore in her heels. So Richie simply raised his brows, and Bev shrugged and laughed.

“Come on, big guy”, Eddie said and grabbed Richie by the wrist, “I’ll get you up the stairs, so you don’t fall and break your neck.” 

“And they say chivalry is dead!” Richie exclaimed in a high-pitched voice to distract himself from the flash of heat that raced through him when Eddie’s hand wrapped around his wrist. The smaller man only rolled his eyes and guided him towards the stairs. By the time they made it up there, Bev, Ben, and Bill had all passed them and retreated to their rooms. Bill must have passed out immediately because Richie heard loud snoring as they passed that door.

Finally, they made it to their rooms which, coincidentally, were right next to one another. Richie had no idea who had even paid for Eddie’s room while the other man had been in the hospital those last few weeks, but that didn’t really matter right now either way. Eddie stopped in front of the small stretch of wall that was between the doors and leaned against it. He looked tired and happy, and he still hadn’t let go of Richie’s wrist. The taller man stood in front of him, wondering what to do next, and finally, when he opened his mouth, his brain said the stupid thing he’d feared he’d say all evening.

„You have no idea how bad I wanna kiss you right now”, Richie whispered, his voice sounding hoarse even to his own ears. 

“Then do it”, Eddie answered without missing a beat. Richie was thrown for a loop. He took a step back and stared at Eddie in a way that probably came off pretty weird – but he didn’t care. Richie had to know if Eddie was being serious or if all this was just some drunk joke to him. 

But Eddie looked absolutely sincere. There was a challenge in his expression, much like when they were boys and they dared each other to eat some strange berries from a bush in the woods or do a flip off the ledge at the quarry. Eddie looked totally calm and ready to be kissed, and while anxiety still yelled at Richie not to do it, he had already moved forward and pressed his lips to Eddie’s. 

It was different from what Richie had always imagined it being like to kiss Eddie, and yet he loved every second of it. Eddie’s lips were almost ridiculously soft – a stark contrast to Richie’s own, which were almost always chapped for some reason – and he sank into the kiss like he had never done anything else in his life. Before Richie had even made the conscious decision to do so, his hands were on Eddie’s hips. A second later, Eddie finally let go of his wrist and he felt the other man’s fingers bury themselves in his hair, blunt nails scratching over his scalp in a way that made goosebumps spread all over Richie’s body and a soft, needy sound escape his lips. The whole world ceased to exist around them. The only things that mattered anymore were the points of contact between their bodies. There was a distinct prickling on Richie’s lips and he could feel the blood begin to race faster through his veins. And when Eddie sank his teeth into his lower lip hard enough to make a spark of arousal shoot all the way from Richie’s lips to his dick, he knew he had to get the other man into his room somehow.

But just as Richie was about to break the kiss and try his best to make a move on Eddie, a door was slammed shut somewhere behind them and they jumped apart. Frantic, Richie looked around to check who might have seen them but all the doors around them were firmly closed and he couldn’t make out which one had been the one that had been open moments prior. 

When he turned back to face Eddie, worry and unease had sneaked their way back onto the smaller man’s face and Richie knew at once that there was no way he was getting any more than this one kiss out of the other man tonight. Not that he wanted that anymore. He was far too scared himself, now. He did want to come out to the other Losers at some point but preferably not while he was making out with Eddie in a dimly lit hallway of the Derry townhouse. 

“We should go to bed”, Richie said after several moments of uncomfortable silence. His heart ached at the thought of being separated from Eddie again and he could just barely stop himself from asking if he could come back to Eddie’s room with him. He wouldn’t even ask for anything but the chance to sleep next to the smaller man. But even to Richie’s drunk mind that sounded kind of weird and if Eddie wasn’t having a meltdown right now, he would probably have one the next morning when he woke up.

“Yeah, we should”, Eddie muttered, looking strangely distant now and Richie wondered briefly if he was already beginning to regret what just happened. But he decided he didn’t want to think about that right now and instead put on a bright smile.

“See you in the morning then, Spaghetti”, Richie announced cheerfully, spun around on his heel, did a little bow, and walked away from the room. Behind himself, he heard an exasperated sigh that told him he had gotten the reaction he wanted from Eddie. The excitement from that was enough to tide Richie over into his room, onto the bed, and until he fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

The next morning Richie woke up from the sun mercilessly hitting his eyes. He tried turning around and burying his face in a pillow, but the sudden movement made his stomach rebel. With a groan, Richie turned his head to check his phone and realized that it was just after eight a.m. He wanted nothing more than to just go back to sleep, preferably for the next century or two, but he knew he had to get up if he wanted to be able to leave on time and catch his flight back out to L.A. With a pitiful whine Richie lifted himself up into a sitting position. Then he had to stay there for a minute or two until the world stopped spinning and he didn’t feel like he was going to violently throw up. As he sat there, Richie tried to assess his situation. His head was pounding, and his stomach turned at the thought of ingesting anything that wasn’t water or a cup of coffee at most. Richie had also slept in his clothes that now clung to his sweaty skin. Overall, he felt disgusting inside and out. 

Once the world finally stopped spinning around, Richie rose to his feet and stumbled over to his bag. He grabbed a change of clothes and trudged into the bathroom to take a much-needed shower. Under the warm spray, Richie started feeling a little better and his thoughts started to wander. He wondered if any of the other Losers were awake already and maybe up for grabbing a coffee somewhere nearby. Richie figured Eddie would be an early riser but before he could ponder longer on that thought, a memory pierced through him and left him breathless and sick to his stomach. He had kissed Eddie. Really, actually _kissed_ him. And Eddie had kissed him back for a moment - but then they had been interrupted and afterward Eddie had looked so worried and uncomfortable it almost made Richie gag at the thought of it. 

Richie shivered as he stepped out of the shower. He was glad the mirror was fogged up because he wasn’t sure he would be able to look at himself right now. He had fucked up so bad. He should have known better than to get hammered around Eddie, he thought. It had been a close call at the Jade of the Orient a few weeks ago but yesterday he had lost control. For a brief moment, Richie considered talking to Eddie, going to his room to apologize and make things right. But would Eddie even want to see him? The thought of the smaller man being uncomfortable around Richie or maybe even outright refusing to speak to him ever again hurt more than seeing Eddie be pierced by IT’s claw and almost bleeding to death in that dark cave under Neibolt. 

Desperate for some form of relief, Richie’s racing thoughts found a straw to cling to. If the alcohol had made him forget about the kiss, maybe it had done the same to Eddie. Maybe, just maybe, the other man wouldn’t remember it at all, and Richie could keep being his friend. To Richie’s panicked brain, the idea of acting like Eddie had forgotten and never mentioning the kiss again seemed like a stroke of genius. That way, they could still be friends despite Richie fucking up so badly. Sure, it would mean more years of pining and secrecy on Richie’s part but he was willing to go through all of that if only he got to keep Eddie by his side as a friend. A more rational part of Richie’s part argued strongly against it but, as per usual, he didn’t pay it any mind. 

Instead, Richie got dressed and packed his bag. Then he sat on his bed until he heard Bev’s voice out in the hall and rushed to greet her and be relieved from having to deal with his own thoughts all the time.

After leaving Derry, Richie had no idea how to approach Eddie anymore. Sure, they spoke in the Losers’ group chat Mike had created the day they all left. And they had their usual banter going on during the video calls they occasionally did to stay in touch. But outside the safety of the group Richie didn’t dare call or even message Eddie. There were several moments, where he was pretty close to just calling him – especially at times when he felt particularly lonely and couldn’t sleep at three in the morning and was sure Eddie was already up, getting ready to go to work. But in the end, Richie never contacted him. It probably came off weirder than if he had but he was just too terrified of the possibility of letting something slip and losing Eddie after all this time. 

And then Eddie announced he was getting divorced. It was the second announcement like this in their group in just under three weeks. A little earlier this month Bill had told them he and Audra were breaking up and now Eddie came to them with the same message. And while Richie had been sympathetic with Bill and done his best not to make any mean jokes too soon, he could barely hold back with Eddie. Granted, he didn’t even know Eddie’s ex except for one or two stories he had been told but Richie allowed himself to rejoice even if only for a moment.

Then, some minutes after the announcement he sat there and stared at his phone for what felt like an eternity. He couldn’t say nothing – that would have been weird. But with the waves of hope constantly welling up inside him joining in on the others’ words of regret seemed wrong too. In the end, he settled for some crude joke about Eddie’s sex life and called it a day. Richie ignored the group chat for the rest of the day, trying and failing to keep the hope building in his chest at bay. Just because Eddie was single again didn’t mean he now had a chance with him. For all he knew, the other man was straight, and kissing Richie had been a drunk slip-up. But even if Eddie was really gay or bi that didn’t automatically mean he would want to be with Richie. Getting his hopes up was only going to make things worse, Richie figured. In the end, it took Richie almost a week to deal with all the emotions Eddie’s divorce had brought for him.

Then, just after the announcement, Richie had his big, public coming out and that took up most of his attention for the better part of a month

When Richie finally had the time to sit down and take stock, several weeks had passed. He’d spent most of that time giving interviews and hanging out on social media to answer questions and deal with the reactions. As had been expected by him and his management, a large part of his ‘fans’ had turned away from him after his coming out. All the jock frat boy types openly voiced their disgust and complained about another good comedian being lost to the ‘homo agenda’. It wasn’t fun to scroll through miles of comments like this but Richie wasn’t anything if not a masochist and in the end these people weren’t calling him anything he hadn’t called himself in his head for most of his life. 

And, as it turned out, there was quite the amount of people, who might not condone Richie’s previous sense of humor but understood his struggle and voiced enough goodwill to give him another chance if his new programs were truly going to be different from his previous material. All in all, those were some turbulent few weeks that left Richie with tons of mixed feelings and enough material to come up with around six new shows. 

The biggest surprise, however, came during the video call with the other Losers that Bev had arranged at the end of the month. Richie hadn’t been too sure he wanted to join at first – don’t get him wrong, his friends had been extremely supportive in the group chat and Stan, Mike and Bev had even called to talk to him in person – but in the end, Bev had convinced him by promising it wasn’t going to be just about him. 

“I’m coming out too”, Bev promptly announced once they were all present, “I never thought it mattered because I had a preference for guys anyway but I figured I couldn’t leave Richie thinking he was the only one in our group who isn’t straight. I already told Ben but I also want to tell all of you that I’m bisexual.” 

Richie blinked owlishly a few times, waiting for his brain to catch up with what had just happened. Then he hurried to join the others in congratulating Bev on figuring this out and for being brave enough to tell them. Even if he told Bev several times that this hadn’t been necessary, Richie was secretly kind of relieved that he wasn’t really the odd one out in their group like he had feared all those years. Knowing that someone shared his experiences to some extent and understood them was more reassuring than he would have ever thought it could be and the brunet allowed himself to bask in this happiness for a bit. 

In the end, neither his nor Bev’s coming out were a big deal in the group. The conversation moved on to different topics like Bill talking about the new book he was planning to write and Stan complaining about the legal trouble of dying and coming back to life. As horrible as losing him had been, the anecdote about Stan arguing with a bank teller about whether he was alive or not still managed to have the other Losers howling with laughter. 

All of them except Eddie, Richie noticed. After Bev’s coming out he had become strangely quiet and withdrawn. There was a thoughtful expression on his face and he only spoke when someone talked to him first. Richie had half a mind to message him, asking if anything was the matter and if Eddie needed help. But Eddie beat him to it.

“I’m bi too”, he blurted out suddenly, successfully interrupting Mike’s story about the birds that visited him every day at his camper, “I’m sorry this is so weird. I only realized a bit ago but I felt weird coming out right after Richie. But now Bev did it and I figured I could too but I was still scared. I know I don’t really have a reason to but you know me, I guess. And I’m sorry, Mike, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. Just go on and forget what I just said.” 

For a moment no one said a thing. Eddie visibly deflated and looked so miserable and nervous that Richie feared for a moment he was just going to leave the call without further comment and never talk to any of them again. He knew that feeling all too well. When he had forwarded his coming out post on twitter to the Losers group chat he had felt like deleting the messenger and chucking his phone into the sea too. So Richie took it upon himself to break the tension.

“Nah, it’s fine, dude”, he said easily, “I was bored by the bird story too. Good job putting a stop to that. Faking a heart attack would have been a little less over the top but I give it an eight out of ten nonetheless.” 

“Fuck you, man”, Eddie and Mike complained in unison and that seemed to free the others from their confused stupor. Just like Richie and Bev, Eddie received nothing but support and after many reassurances that this wouldn’t change a thing and that the others wouldn’t start treating him differently, he seemed to relax. A guarded smile appeared on his face that hit Richie right in the chest.

While the call went on, it was now Richie’s turn to slink back into silence and contemplate what had just happened. In his hurry to come to Eddie’s aid, he had barely registered what the other had said. Eddie was bi. Eddie liked men. Emotions ran wild in Richie’s head, down his chest and into the pit of his stomach. All attempts at telling himself that the fact Eddie was bi didn’t mean he would now fall hopelessly in love with Richie failed. Now that he knew there was a glimmer of hope, the brunet just couldn’t suppress it. 

He barely managed to keep up the pretense in front of the others. The news turned Richie’s brain to mush and set his heart racing. Suddenly, even if just for a single moment, he wished that Eddie would remember the kiss. A particularly stubborn strain of hope suggested that maybe that had been when Eddie realized he was bisexual and that he just hadn’t found a way to tell Richie. Of course, Richie tried to get rid of such thoughts because they were only going to hurt him in the long run.

But the more he thought about it, the more Richie wanted to at least talk to someone about all of this. Until now, he had just bottled it all up inside and it was starting to take its toll. Even if Eddie would never reciprocate his feelings, Richie wanted someone to know about them, to talk to someone about them, and share his grief about how unattainable Eddie’s love truly was.

So, when the video call ended, Richie grabbed his phone and called Bev. 

“I’m in love with Eddie”, he said the moment she picked up, “I’m in love with Eddie and I kissed him on our last night in Derry.” Almost immediately a massive wave of relief washed over Richie. Granted, he was still anxious about what Bev might say but finally saying these words to someone, anyone, was liberating beyond belief. 

“I mean, that first part was pretty obvious already”, Bev commented and Richie could practically see the massive grin on her face through the phone, “The second part at least explains why you’ve been so weird around each other these past months.” 

“Eddie wasn’t being weird. No, scratch that. Eddie is always weird so really no difference there”, Richie protested immediately, “We were also pretty drunk so I doubt he even remembers it.” He tried to hide the disappointment and worry he felt but of course, Bev picked up on it easily.

“Didn’t you talk about it?”, she wondered but something in her tone told Richie she already knew they hadn’t.

“We got interrupted and then Eddie looked so scared. When I remembered the next morning I was too afraid to bring it up. He probably regrets the whole thing…” Richie sighed and buried his face in his hands. 

“Only one way to know for sure.”

“I can’t ask him about it, Bev”, Richie whined, flopping down onto his back on the couch, “I mean how weird am I gonna come off if I text him like ‘Hey, I was too much of a coward to bring it up before but now that you’re bi and single again – wanna talk about that one drunk kiss we had? I’d really like to know if you remember that and would maybe want to do that again sometime.’ I’m gonna sound like a fucking creep, Bev!”

“If you don’t want advice then why did you call me?”, Bev asked. Once again her tone indicated that she already knew full well what Richie wanted. Sometimes Bev was too smart for her own good.

“I need someone to tell me that it’s all going to work out and that I just need some time and once I work up the courage to talk to him Eddie isn’t going to hate me.”

“Richie”, Bev said, now in the voice of a mother, who has to tell her child for the hundredth time that there _really_ are no monsters in the closet, “For as long as I can remember you and Eddie have been best friends. I can’t even think of any reason that would make him hate you – least of all your feelings for him. He might be a little weird about it because that’s just who he is but he would never hate you.”

“Thank you, Bev”, Richie muttered, a little choked up now because he wanted so badly to believe that what Bev said was true. He wasn’t entirely convinced, obviously, but he still clung to her words like a lifeline, and _‘Eddie would never hate me’_ became his mantra for the rest of the call.

Richie somehow managed to avoid Eddie through most of the following months without the other man asking if anything was wrong. In a few darker hours Richie wondered if Eddie thought he had abandoned their friendship and that this was why he wasn’t pushing to talk to Richie. But usually, he shoved these thoughts aside just as quickly as they had come. With his career kicking back into gear and a new special to prepare, he had enough on his hands to distract himself easily enough as it was.

And then came the invitation to Bev’s and Ben’s wedding. Richie didn’t know all the details but apparently, Ben and Bev had left Derry together and Ben had pretty much stopped at the first jewelry shop he found a town over and proposed to Bev right then and there. Of course, she had said yes and immediately begun planning a divorce and a wedding at the same time. Now, it seemed, the divorce was through and it was time for the wedding. It was only a few months down the line and Richie would probably piss his manager and at least one venue off by rescheduling but there was no way in hell he was going to miss two of his best friends getting married to one another. It would also be the first time all of them would see Stan in person again and Richie wouldn’t dare miss out on that either. 

So, of course, he said yes to the wedding and rescheduled two shows in Denver. His manager sent a mutual friend, who dragged Richie out to buy a proper suit because they all wanted to avoid the PR consequences of Richie postponing two shows only to be seen at a celebrity wedding in a Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts. Richie didn’t mind particularly but he didn’t enjoy shopping for clothes either. In the end, however, he was quite happy with the suit they settled on. 

It wasn’t until he sent a picture of himself in his new suit to the Losers group chat and between all the compliments on his looks, Eddie complained about still not having gotten round to buying clothes for the wedding himself. 

Fear rolled over Richie in hot and cold in waves and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead. Richie was glad he was already back home from shopping back then because the heaving, sobbing panic attack he had the moment he realized he would see Eddie again after months of avoiding him was not something he was proud of. For most of that day, he felt like dying, and for five truly dark minutes, he actually considered faking some emergency or something and ditching the wedding. But in the end, Richie really didn’t want to miss it. That and he was pretty sure Bev would find out he was making excuses and hunt him down no matter where he might hide and make him pay for not showing up at her wedding. 

So instead of coming up with some elaborate plan to fake his own death and start a new life as a shepherd in Wales, Richie called Bev.

“You still haven’t talked to him?!” Her voice sounded incredulous after Richie had explained his dilemma and the brunet felt like he was about to be scolded by a teacher and not supported by a friend. 

“I have no idea what to say!”, he whined and glared at the bagel bites he was currently making for dinner, “And now I haven’t talked to him outside the group chat for months. If I message him now it’s just gonna be weird.”

“Richie, you _love him_ ”, Bev exclaimed as if that wasn’t obvious to Richie, “You can’t spend the rest of your life not talking to him unless circumstance forces you to.” 

“Watch me”, Richie muttered petulantly, knowing that was indeed neither an option nor what he wanted. On the other end of the line, Bev sighed. 

“Richie, just talk to him”, she said, sounding exhausted and suddenly Richie felt very selfish. Bev had enough on her plate as it was with her divorce from an abusive prick just being finalized and a wedding to plan. She probably had better things to do than listen to him whine about his unrequited crush on Eddie that he was too much of a coward to do anything about. 

“But what if he’ll hate me?”, Richie tried one last time because he just never knew when to let things go, “How can you be sure he isn’t going to be grossed out and refuse to talk to me ever again?”

“Because I know you guys”, Bev answered, voice far softer now, “And I know he-“ Here she interrupted herself as if she had almost told Richie something she wasn’t supposed to. Richie might have caught onto that if he hadn’t been so absorbed in his own misery at the moment. “I just know, okay? I’ve seen how you are with each other and there’s just no way he’s going to hate you for how you feel.” 

Richie only hummed vaguely in reply. He wanted to trust Bev but he also wanted to get this topic over with because he felt so guilty dragging her into this all the damn time. Their call eventually continued with them gossiping about how Bill was spending a suspicious amount of time visiting Mike or even traveling with him while both vehemently denied anything was going on between them. Neither Bev nor Richie were convinced by that charade and were only waiting for the two of them to announce they were an item. The call ended abruptly when Richie went to eat the bagel bites he made, burned his tongue on one, and couldn’t speak without whining about the pain after. Bev made him promise to message Eddie before she hung up. Richie promised. And of course, he never messaged Eddie.

When Richie checked into the fancy hotel Ben and Bev had booked some rooms for their guests in, he deeply regretted betraying his promise to Bev. He was so nervous that when the guy at the reception asked for his birthday, Richie actually had to check his driver’s license to make sure he wasn’t giving a wrong date. After that was dealt with Richie spaced out on the elevator and almost missed his floor. By the time he entered his room, he was a nervous wreck. 

Richie grabbed two small bottles with vodka in them that would surely cost him a fortune from the mini-fridge and emptied them in one go. Then he flopped down back onto the bed and tried not to freak out completely. His phone buzzed busily in his pocket, announcing the arrival of more and more of the other Losers. Richie ignored most of it out of fright that he would see another message from Eddie and panic again. The brunet only reacted when Stan called to ask if Richie wanted to share an Uber to the venue. 

Richie thought he should have known better than agree to accompany Patty and Stan when he saw Eddie standing next to them. He was about two seconds away from pretending he forgot something in his room and tell the others to go ahead without him when Patty called out to him and roped him into a conversation about how excited she was to finally meet them all in person. 

After many video chats, it already felt like Richie had known Patty for years and they managed some actual conversation instead of awkward small talk. Talking to Patty was almost enough to distract Richie from Eddie’s presence. But that too was destroyed when their uber arrived and Stan took the passenger seat so Richie and Eddie were pressed tightly together in the backseat with Patty. 

The tension between them was palpable and more than once Richie wondered if it would be enough to kill him if he opened the door and threw himself out into traffic. If anyone could tell him, it was probably the risk analyst next to him but Richie still didn’t dare talk to Eddie. At this point, it had to be obvious that something was wrong with him. The brunet had hoped that by the time he saw Eddie again he would have reined himself in enough to at least put up a façade and act like everything was fine. But apparently, the sight of the other man had punched the humor right out of him. And so, the only people talking throughout the entire drive were Patty and Stan.

Richie was relieved when they were only a minute away from the venue. He hoped that he would be able to mingle with the crowd and avoid Eddie there – even if the thought of not even talking to him hurt through all the anxiety.

Then, his phone buzzed.

“Oh, you guys should probably check that”, Patty said with a knowing smile, “Bev told me she was going to text you right before the ceremony. She has something special planned for the two of you.” 

Richie sighed and wedged his hand between his body and Eddie’s to get to the pocket he had his phone in. Even that little bit of contact made goosebumps break out all over his skin and his heart sped up in his chest. Next to him, Eddie reached for his phone too and for a second their hands almost touched. Richie tried to push away the anxiety and excitement that brought and chose to focus on Bev’s message instead. He really hoped it was nothing too important because he doubted he could get anything done properly today. 

When Richie unlocked his phone he found himself in a group chat that had only Bev, Eddie, and him in it and only one message. It was from Bev and it said: _“He knows about the kiss.”_

The uber stopped in front of the venue and Stan and Patty hurried to get out but Richie wasn’t sure his legs would carry him if he tried to get up. A cold sweat broke out on his forehead and he was suddenly so nauseous he feared he was going to throw up right here and now. After several far too long and anxiety-filled moments, Richie dared turn to look at Eddie. The smaller man was sickeningly pale and shaking from head to toe. For a split-second his hand twitched to a pocket on his suit jacket – presumably, the one he usually kept his inhaler in – then dropped it again. Eddie turned towards Richie and his eyes were just as wide with fear as Richie suspected his own were. Richie would have paid any sum for someone to tell him if that look was one of fear because they both remembered the kiss and Eddie was just as afraid that Richie didn’t reciprocate his feelings – or because Eddie remembered and was terrified that Richie might want more than that.

But before the brunet could get too deep into that train of thought, Stan opened the door to his left and began to drag him out of the car. Richie unbuckled his seatbelt and stumbled along after the other man.

“Look, I’m not in on the plan but whatever Bev texted you, could you at least try and not look like you’re going to faint any minute now?”, Stan scolded him and Richie was tempted to laugh.

“Afraid you’re not strong enough to catch me if I fall?”, he croaked out and Stan only rolled his eyes. Richie was just about to tell the other man what the problem was when the bride arrived at the venue. Ben was inside already, waiting for her. Bev looked stunning and the smile on her face as she stepped out of the sports car, she had arrived in was so blinding, it infected everyone around. But then Bev caught Richie’s eye and winked at him before grabbing her maid of honor by the arm and leading her towards a side entrance and instead of smiling, the brunet pouted.

“If I don’t die before today is over, I’m going to kill Bev”, he muttered towards a confused-looking Stan before turning on his heel and stalking into the building as well. Once inside, he found a seat next to Bill and Mike and as far away from Eddie as possible. He wanted to stay mad at Bev but his anxiety quickly got the upper hand again. Eddie knew about the kiss and that probably meant he knew why Richie had been so weird these past months. Maybe he had even figured out how Richie felt about him and that was almost enough to send the brunet running for the hills. But he stayed where he was, rooted to the spot and worrying about what this would entail for his and Eddie’s friendship.

Throughout the whole ceremony, Richie was on pins and needles. He saw Bev enter in one of the most stunning dresses he had ever seen and Ben immediately burst into tears upon seeing her – but he could neither appreciate it nor think of some witty joke he could make about Ben later on. His thoughts circled around one thing and one thing only: Eddie. Out of the corner of his eye, he would sometimes try and catch glimpses of him. More often than not Eddie looked like he was ready to bolt but Richie couldn’t really tell if that was regular Eddie behavior or if he was just as done with the world as Richie. 

Time flew by almost ridiculously quickly and to an extent, Richie felt bad for not being able to enjoy his best friends’ wedding. But then again, it had been Bev, who had brought all this on with her stupid text. If she wanted Richie to enjoy the ceremony, she could have always told him after. Before Richie could actually get pissed off at Bev, though, the ceremony was already over. Ben kissed Bev and everyone rose to their feet to clap. When Richie stood up, he felt like he was going to faint for a moment, his legs weak and trembling. But he managed not to embarrass himself and take the attention away from Bev as she pulled her new husband down the aisle and out of the room.

Slowly, the room began to empty out and Richie wondered if he could maybe hold Eddie back and talk to him before the actual celebration began. But it was impossible to get to the shorter male amidst the masses of people leaving the building all at once. Richie wondered how Bev even knew so many people well enough to want to invite them to her wedding, let alone knowing this many people at all. Even after almost two decades in the business and nights filled networking, Richie felt like he knew about half as many people as were present in this room – and he wouldn’t want even a quarter of them around if he ever chose to get married.

Eventually, Richie had managed to let himself be pushed and shoved out of the building among the other people. He had barely made it outside when a strong hand grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him to the side. For a brief, shocking moment Richie was certain that it was Eddie and that it was now time for their big talk. But when he finally got a proper look at the man dragging him towards the back of the building it was only Bill. A wave of equal parts relief and disappointment washed over Richie and left an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

He knew he would have to talk to Eddie today and he wasn’t sure if he’d rather put it off for as long as possible or rip the band-aid off and be done with it already. For now, at least, Richie seemed to be spared because when Bill had successfully dragged him to the backside of the building, all the Losers were there and Richie doubted Bev wanted him and Eddie to sort out their issues in front of everyone else. 

“Okay, so now that we’re all here”, Bev said the moment Richie and Bill arrived, “I just wanted to tell you all how happy I am you’re here today. We’ve missed so much of each others’ lives and I can’t say how much it means to me that you’re all here now.” She smiled as she spoke, a shimmer in her eyes that Richie was sure was in his too. He had become awfully emotional these past months. Luckily, Bev distracted them all from the situation before Richie could actually start to cry. 

“And also Ben and I bought a very expensive whiskey just for the eight of us for a little reunion toast. That’s why we’re doing this here and not in front of everyone else because we don’t feel like sharing that whiskey with anyone but you guys.” 

“You wickedness never ceases to amaze me, Bev”, Richie commented and earned himself a wink and a smile from Bev. The group around Richie chatted a little while Ben dutifully filled eight shot glasses with whiskey. It was all idle conversation until he reached Stan and Patty and Patty politely declined.

“I’m not drinking right now”, she said and rested one hand on her belly. Whether she did it subconsciously or not, Richie couldn’t tell. All he could see was Bev’s eyes go wide as saucers before she let out a happy cry and pulled Patty in for a hug. It was adorable to see them like this. Today was the first time Patty and Bev ever actually met in person but to anyone, who didn’t know better, it seemed like they had been friends their whole life. After Patty had called them all to tell them Stan was still alive, Bev had immediately adopted the other woman into the group, ecstatic to finally have another female friend. 

Richie didn’t have much time to ponder on such thoughts, however. He had duties to fulfill as a friend which involved congratulating Stan and Patty and then making crude jokes about their sex life until Bev told him to stop.

“I guess we have two reasons to celebrate today, then”, Ben said, raising his glass in a toast.

“Three, actually”, Mike commented, taking Bill’s hand in his, “We weren’t going to say anything about it today but since we already have a Loser baby to celebrate, why not announce a new Loser couple too?” Next to him, Bill blushed deeply as Bev let out another excited shout. 

“This is the best day of my life!”, she exclaimed after she was done hugging Mike and Bill, “I’m so happy for all of us.” Then, her expression turned more serious for a moment. “But no one say a single word to the rest of the guests. I’m happy but not happy enough to be upstaged at my own wedding!” 

She threw Richie a look as they all finally downed their drinks. If she was worried about Richie asking Eddie out right here and now, there was really no reason to, Richie figured. He wasn’t even sure if he was going to talk to Eddie today. With two happy couples made up of only Losers already, the chances of them becoming a third were ridiculously slim and Richie didn’t feel like ruining Ben and Bev’s wedding by destroying his friendship with Eddie.

As soon as the thought came up, Richie tried to bury it again. He didn’t have much success given that Eddie was this close, however. So he did what he did best: he downed his drink and then went right on into a round of jokes about the other Losers and their relationships and how they were all going to get old and boring now when they settled down. The others laughed and Richie sincerely hoped that none of them noticed his heart wasn’t in it in the slightest. 

Eventually, the Losers joined the rest of the guests again. There were supposed to be some speeches and gifts to be exchanged before dinner. Richie trotted across the lawn, deep in thought as he blindly followed the others when suddenly someone grabbed him by the wrist again. This time it really was Eddie.

“I think we need to talk”, the smaller man said, seeming just as unhappy about that fact as Richie.

“I guess”, Richie agreed. Even after he had spent all day knowing he would have to talk to Eddie eventually, he was still entirely unprepared. He wasn’t even sure if he should apologize or tell Eddie how he felt and hope for the best.

“Can we wait until after dinner?”, he asked for a lack of any better strategy, “I’m not nearly drunk enough for this and I get super cranky when I don’t eat.” 

“Fine.” 

Without further comment, Eddie stalked past him to mingle with the crowd. The relief was short-lived, though. Richie knew full well that he had only pushed the inevitable off for maybe another hour or two. At some point, he would have to have a talk with Eddie and he dreaded the fact more than he had ever dreaded anything in his life. Out of options and unwilling to deal with the situation at hand like an adult, Richie made a beeline for the open bar. If he had to do this, either way, he could at least have a little fun before this destroyed his life for good, he figured. Richie briefly considered getting so drunk he’d be unable to talk to Eddie either way but eventually decided against it. He’d pushed off this conversation for far too long as it was and it wasn’t fair to leave Eddie hanging like this if he actually wanted to talk things through. Richie would just have to make peace with the fact that one possible outcome would be losing Eddie forever.

During dinner, Richie could barely eat anything which was a damn shame because the dishes that were served in the large pavilion they all gathered in were ridiculously good. Richie had never been a big fan of salad but the one that was served as a starter that day might have him reconsider. So it felt all the worse when he let the servers take away his plate with half the dish still on it. And it didn’t get better with the entrée or dessert either. Everyone around the brunet dug in like their lives depended on it but Richie just sat there, eating a few measly forks full and then stopping out of fear that he was going to be sick. Even if he assumed Eddie would tolerate a lot of things, being thrown up on was most definitely something the other man would draw the line at. 

After dinner, there were several long speeches from friends and family. Richie could feel the other Losers’ expectant eyes on him through most of it but he pretended he didn’t notice. He did have something prepared that was both hilarious and very sappy and that he figured he would’ve barely gotten through without crying on a good day. As things were today, there was no way Richie was going to say anything to the bride and groom without fainting or turning into a whimpering mess or both. He decided to just give them the paper he had written his speech onto some other time and leave it at that. 

Eventually, the speeches ended and a DJ arrived. Bev and Ben had their first dance which was expectedly adorable because Ben was too polite to lead and they kept stepping on each other’s feet and giggling. Richie fought down the thoughts of ‘wish that were me’ and tried to enjoy this wedding for at least a few minutes. Because somewhere deep down Richie had a feeling that as soon as people were going to leave their tables to fill the dance floor, Eddie would come to him to finally have that talk they’d been avoiding and the brunet didn’t feel any more prepared than he had been at any other point of this day. 

He knew that it was unavoidable but that didn’t stop the sense of dread from creeping up Richie’s back when some pop music started playing and half the people at their table left within the first few minutes. Richie watched Mike and Bill dance next to Bev and Ben and tried not to scream with how much he wanted to join them with Eddie by his side. Maybe, he allowed himself to think, they could settle this like adults and dance as friends later.

“Can we talk now?”, a familiar voice called out to him and Richie turned away from the dancers to see Eddie sitting down opposite him. He looked almost more anxious than Richie felt. Surrendering himself to his fate, Richie nodded and waited for Eddie to continue.

“So we both remembered this whole time.” It was a statement, not a question. Eddie sounded resigned and tired, even as he raised his voice to be heard over the sound of the music. Richie shrugged his tongue heavy in his mouth. He knew he should say something but he was scared shitless. Staying quiet seemed to be the only protection he had against possibly saying something stupid and pushing Eddie away for good. 

“Come on, Richie, work with me here”, Eddie complained. There was definitely an angry edge to his voice now and Richie knew that even if he didn’t want to, he had to say something now if he didn’t want to lose his friend.

“What do you want me to say?!”, he barked, harsher than he intended, before taking a deep breath, “I’ve had a big stupid crush on you for forever but I wasn’t ever going to tell you because you were married and I thought you were straight. Then we got drunk and I messed up and you got scared so I decided to never mention it again because I’d rather have you as a friend than have you be disgusted by me. But I guess I messed that up…”

“I got scared because I thought someone saw me cheat on my wife and because I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that I was bi”, Eddie said firmly. An expression of anguish crossed his face that Richie knew all too well. He knew what it was like to know you weren’t straight but not wanting to admit that to anyone, not even yourself because that was going to set things into motion you had no way of controlling. 

Despite all the fear still coursing through him, Richie felt compassion for Eddie and he wished he could have been there for him instead of hiding out of fear of losing him. “And then you were so weird and I thought I did something wrong so I talked to Bev. She told me to talk to you but I didn’t want to bother you if you’d rather just ignore everything that happened. And I’m really sorry if I made you feel bad by getting so scared. I was just overwhelmed and my defense mechanisms kicked in.” 

“It’s fine, Spaghetti”, Richie said on a sigh. Relief dared to lift its head because even if Eddie wouldn’t want to be with him romantically, it at least seemed he didn’t regret the kiss as much as Richie had feared. Maybe they could at least still be friends. That was the best-case scenario the brunet had always envisioned and yet it tasted like a hollow victory. Surely, he could learn to be _just friends_ with Eddie, like they had been when they were twelve, and before Richie’s stupid heart decided to go and screw it all up.

“Is it? Because you don’t look like it’s fine and I don’t want to keep playing pretend while this thing gnaws away at our friendship.” 

Eddie looked so sincere at this moment Richie’s heart ached with affection. Impulse told him to lean across the table and kiss the smaller man again but reason held him back. Just because Eddie hadn’t minded this one kiss didn’t mean he wanted another. If only Richie’s silly heart could stop beating oh-so-hopefully whenever Eddie said something that sounded like he liked Richie too. After a lifetime of a hopeless crush, one would think it would find someone else to attach itself to – but no. All Richie wanted, all he had ever wanted, was Eddie. 

And something inside Richie yearned for him to just tell the other man how much he felt for him. But all his life Richie had been a coward when it was about his feelings and the thought of opening his mouth to say those things to Eddie was enough to make him dizzy with fear. He tried, desperately, to come up with something to say that would convince Eddie that everything was indeed fine or that it would all be fine in due time but the smaller man beat him to it.

“Fine”, he said, sounding resigned and bordering on anger. If Richie didn’t know him better, he’d suspect the other man was upset. But he and Eddie had been friends all their childhood and some things never changed. Richie very well recognized that tone as the one Eddie used just before he did something that scared him shitless 

“One of us has to make himself vulnerable and since that’s obviously not going to be you, I guess it has to be me.” Eddie’s hand reached for his pocket once more, trying to grab an inhaler that was no longer there. For a split-second, Richie worried the smaller man was going to start hyperventilating. But instead, Eddie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, he looked directly into Richie’s eyes.

“I like you. Probably have for a long time but with the whole ‘forgetting about each other for over twenty years’ thing you can never really know. Bottom line is: You mean a lot to me and I liked kissing you. If you don’t remember – I even encouraged you to do it. And yes I got scared afterward but after I returned home and told Myra I wanted a divorce I thought about you a lot. And I realized I wanted to kiss you again. I didn’t tell you, though, because you were already not talking to me and I didn’t want to make it worse. But you mean an awful lot to me and if you still have that crush on me you mentioned earlier I’d really like to be with you. And if not I really hope this doesn’t mess up our friendship because no matter if as a friend or as a partner, you mean so, so much to me and I don’t want to lose you. And I really hope you even got half of what I just said because I’m pretty sure I just spoke too fast for how loud everything is around us…”

Eddie tried to smile as he ended his small monologue but Richie could still see the hope and fear in his eyes. He had understood well enough and yet he felt like a deer in headlights. Everything he ever wanted had just been handed to him on a silver platter and Richie felt too numb to even react. For a moment he feared that instead of Eddie, it was going to be him, who was going to start hyperventilating any second now. His heart hammered against his ribcage so hard it hurt while Richie’s brain had gone from racing thoughts to complete static. The world itself seemed to stop for several seconds, possibly even jumping off its axis before being sucked back in. Time started moving once more and Richie could hear music and voices around him again. He also noticed the worried and expectant look on Eddie’s face and knew the other was waiting for him to say something.

“You really want to be with me?”, was all he could croak out at that moment. His brain was still catching up and his heart wanted so desperately to believe. And yet he didn’t trust himself not to have misunderstood or for Eddie to change his mind at the last second.

“I’d like that very much”, Eddie said, though, and he sounded absolutely sincere, “If you don’t want that it’s perfectly fine. Or if you want to see if it would even work out and go on some dates first we can also do that…” Eddie would have probably rambled on for another minute or two but Richie’s brain was finally back online he interrupted him before he could get any further.

“Fuck no”, he burst out, startling Eddie with the sudden reaction, “I mean, I’m not opposed to going on some nice dates with you but if I can have you as my boyfriend right now, I’ll take that any day. I’ve had enough imaginary dates with you anyway.” 

“You’ll have to tell me about those one day when we’re somewhere less noisy.” Eddie smiled as he said it, his eyes shining with a happiness in them that Richie hadn’t seen since when they were kids and managed to free Eddie from his mother’s claws for a while. Richie had missed that type of smile on Eddie for far too long now and when he saw it right now, he immediately knew that he would do everything in his power to see it as often as he possibly could. But before he could tell the other man so, the smile faltered and made room for a more nervous expression once again.

“So you really want to be with me too?” 

“Of course I want to!” Richie couldn’t believe he even had to say it. He’d thought by now it was painfully obvious he’d always wanted and would always want Eddie. But maybe it felt the same to the other man and he was sure of his own feelings but not of Richie’s. If that was the case, the latter would make sure never to give Eddie any reason to doubt how much he loved him.

“I’ve wanted to be with you since I was like twelve”, he told Eddie, relief washing over him in enormous waves, now that he could finally tell the other all this, “Even when I forgot about you, I was always looking for you. And then we met again and all those feelings came back. And I was so scared you’d hate me or be disgusted if I told you how much I love you…” Richie was so caught up in the moment, he didn’t even realize for several long seconds that he had just told Eddie he loved him. But if the smile that tugged at the corners of Eddie’s mouth was anything to go by, he didn’t mind that in the least. 

“I guess that makes two of us”, the smaller man said, then sighed on a laugh, “We could have probably had this so much earlier if we hadn’t been such cowards. I don’t even want to think about how much time we lost…” 

“Then don’t.” 

Richie hated that thought with a vengeance. He knew how much of his life he had missed out on, being a scared, gay boy from a homophobic town in Maine, who was too afraid to come out to himself until his mid-twenties and too terrified to tell anyone else until he was forty. But he would have to make his peace with that and learn to enjoy the time he had now. And he would help Eddie do the same. “We can always have the time of our lives now. I know I will, now that I can finally tell everyone I’ve been with both you and your mom.” 

“Oh fuck you”, Eddie groaned and rolled his eyes so hard Richie feared they would fall right out of his skull, “You haven’t even kissed me properly yet so you have no right to tell anyone that you’ve ‘had me’, whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

“Do you want me to kiss you?”, Richie asked cheekily, his bravado slowly returning, now that it was obvious Eddie wasn’t going to run for the hills.

“You’re my boyfriend. You don’t have to ask my permission to kiss me.” 

Richie’s heart almost burst out of his chest right then and there at hearing the words _my boyfriend_ from Eddie’s mouth. Happiness welled up in him so strongly it would have swept him off his feet if he wasn’t already sitting down. That was probably why he surged forward and slammed his lips against Eddie’s far harder than he intended. But they managed to laugh about that little bump in the road and when Richie went in for another kiss, far softer and gentler this time, their lips slotted together like they were two pieces of a puzzle that fitted together perfectly.

It felt incredible to kiss Eddie again. Even better than their first kiss because this time Richie was perfectly sober and he could kiss Eddie without the potential of guilt creeping up on him later on because Eddie wanted this. He wanted Richie. He wanted to be kissed by him and he had agreed to be his boyfriend. Richie’s brain was still trying to compute that information and as it slowly sunk in, a wide grin spread on his face that made it impossible to keep on kissing. When they broke apart, Richie could see a similar smile on Eddie’s features and he doubted he had ever been so happy. 

Then, the music changed to a slow love song and Eddie rose to his feet without hesitation.

“May I ask for this dance?”, he asked, extending his hand to Richie hopefully.

“Oh, Count, I thought you’d never ask”, Richie answered in the best Victorian girl voice he could muster right now, took Eddie’s hand, and got up. He let himself be led to the dancefloor, where several couples had found each other and were now slowly swaying together. He could see Bill and Mike in the distance but he didn’t pay them much attention when Eddie’s arms slid around his neck and the smaller man came a whole lot closer. Richie’s hands found their way to Eddie’s hips of their own accord and the two men slowly started to move among the other dancers. It was like hundreds of Richie’s dreams come true. He remembered all too well sitting in his room at sixteen and imagining taking Eddie to prom instead of some random girl he neither liked nor cared about. Richie wondered what his teenage self would do, if he could see them right now and figured the boy would probably start crying from happiness.

Before Richie could delve deeper into such thoughts however, he heard someone wolf-whistle not too far away from them. When he turned to see, who it was, he saw Bev, a bright smile almost splitting her face in half as she swayed in Ben’s arms. On his other side, Richie heard someone call out “Finally” and he was pretty sure it was Stan. He finally turned back around to Eddie, whose cheeks were flushed a rosy pink. Before Richie could even begin to wonder what all that was about, the smaller man got up on his tiptoes and pulled him down for another kiss. The brunet let himself sink into it and for the first time in his life, he felt truly at peace and happy.

Eventually, the song came to an end and Richie almost regretted it. But when faster pop songs came back on, he and Eddie were roped into a group in the middle of the dance floor with the other Losers. They danced together as a group – if one could even call the stiff movements Eddie and Bill were doing dancing – and just generally enjoyed the others’ presence and the feeling of being reunited after what felt like ages apart.

“I told you guys to just talk to each other!”, Bev called out to Richie and Eddie when she caught them kissing for what had to be the third time in just under a minute. Richie rolled his eyes at her and figured that _maybe don’t tell my crush what I told you in confidence but also thank you for doing exactly that because it’s what finally got us together_ would be a conversation that definitely needed to happen – but preferably on another day. Right now, all Richie wanted was to have a good time and revel in the knowledge that he was finally with the man he had loved for as long as he could remember. 

As the evening progressed, Richie and Eddie just couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. There was a constant need on both sides to touch and kiss and generally be close to each other. When they weren’t pulling the other into kisses constantly on the dancefloor, they sat so closely back at their table they could have just as easily been sitting in the other’s lap. At the same time, their kisses turned from sweet and exploratory to more and more heated as they went. It was barely midnight and they had been together for less than five hours but Richie already felt himself contemplating if Eddie would mind him asking to take this back to the hotel.

After a particularly needy kiss that ended with Eddie biting at Richie’s lower lip so hard it made the taller man dizzy, Richie decided to take the shot.

“Hey, you wanna get out of here, maybe?”, he asked and pulled Eddie to the side a little because there were several of Bev’s posh friends around and while he would probably never see them again, Richie didn’t feel like getting rejected in front of them.

“On our first date, Richie?” Eddie gasped, clutching some non-existent pearls on his chest before breaking into a smile again. Richie could see a hint of uncertainty in the other man’s eyes and made sure to let him know he wasn’t going to push it if Eddie didn’t feel like it.

“I mean, with all the imaginary dates in my head we had when I was fifteen this is probably date number two-hundred-something”, he told Eddie, who genuinely laughed at that and seemed to relax.

“You definitely have to tell me about those one day.” It sounded like he was genuinely interested but Richie doubted he’d want to hear about more than two or three of those fantasies because, in the end, they all boiled down to them doing benign teenager stuff like going to the movies together and holding hands as they walked through town. The thought of how normal this was for all the other couples in their school but how they would have probably been beaten up violently because anyone different in Derry was sure to suffer for it made Richie’s heartache a little. But the soft smile Eddie gifted him soothed it again right away.

“Okay, let’s get back to the hotel”, the smaller man said eventually, an air of finality in his voice, and Richie’s heart did a little jump in his chest. He couldn’t help himself but pull Eddie into another passionate kiss that lasted far longer than it probably needed to but Richie just couldn’t get enough now that he’d had a taste of what he’d been missing out on for all these years.

After they broke their kiss, both slightly out of breath and panting, they made their way over to Ben and Bev to say their goodbyes. While Ben seemed a little disappointed they were leaving already, Bev just gave them a knowing smirk and sent them on their way. As they weaved their way back across the dance floor, Richie could already see Eddie calling an uber for them. He still couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

A few moments later they were outside the venue and waiting at the side of the road and Richie was still catching up with the situation at hand. Just a few hours ago, he had done everything in his power to push off talking to Eddie – and now the man in question was by his side as they waited for an Uber to take them back to their hotel. Music from the wedding was still blaring loudly behind them and occasionally a shout or laughter wafted out to them. Richie’s phone buzzed and when he checked it, it was a series of winking emojis from Bev. He smiled, rolled his eyes, and put the device back into his pocket.

“Bev knows, doesn’t she?”, Eddie asked, sounding only a little nervous about the fact.

“Oh, definitely.” 

Nothing ever stayed hidden from Bev for long – and they hadn’t exactly been subtle when they said their goodbyes. Even now, their fingers were still entangled, Eddie’s smaller hand resting easily in Richie’s and it made the taller man’s heart pound. This was the perfect outcome to their talk, the option Richie hadn’t wanted to imagine because it seemed so ridiculously unlikely that every thought spent pondering on it was sure to be a waste. But now here they were. 

A sleek, black car entered the driveway and stopped in front of them. Both Richie and Eddie climbed onto the backseat and before the uber driver could even say anything, Eddie had greedily pulled Richie close to kiss him once more.

“Don’t forget to buckle up, guys”, the voice of their driver floated back to Richie almost like he was in a dream and he couldn’t remember if he heeded the man’s advice when the car began to move. All that mattered was how eagerly and desperately Eddie was kissing him. 

He had buried his hands in Richie’s hair much like the first time they had kissed all those months ago. It was just as intoxicating now as it had been back then. Especially when Eddie dragged his fingernails across Richie’s scalp just so and it left heavenly tingles down the other man’s back. Richie, on his end, tried to pull Eddie ever closer to him – or at least as much as the confined space of the backseat allowed. Now that he had him here, he wanted Eddie as close as humanly possible. Even if it resulted in some awkward tangling of limbs that would probably leave both of them with back pains. 

Richie had no idea how much time had passed with them passionately making out in the back of their uber when he realized he was hard as a fucking rock. For a split-second, he panicked, worried this was going to fast and that he was going to overwhelm Eddie. But then he remembered they had left the wedding for the express purpose of going back to Richie’s hotel room and hook up. The thought that this was happening, that he was really going to have sex with Eddie now after decades of pain and pining, was almost too much for Richie to bear. 

On a whim, he broke their kiss and moved from Eddie’s mouth to his neck, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses there in hopes of leaving a hickey. Wondering if Eddie had forgotten about the goal of this too, Richie moved to position himself in such a way that Eddie was sure to feel his erection through the fabric of both their pants. Above him, Eddie’s breath hitched and Richie was about to celebrate that fact by leaving another purple mark on the other man’s neck. But something in Eddie’s demeanor changed suddenly. His posture stiffened in Richie’s arms and the taller man could almost feel the anxiety coming off of him in waves. 

Richie knew Eddie didn’t like to be asked if he was okay – after all most of his life had been spent with people asking him how he felt without really caring for the answer unless it benefitted them in some way. So Richie chose to slow down a little, glad that he had even picked up on Eddie’s discomfort, turned on as he was. He went from trying to leave as many hickeys as he could on Eddie’s neck to pressing feather-light kisses all over, hoping to calm the other man down that way. 

“Richie…” 

“What is it?”, Richie dared ask since Eddie was obviously willing to talk. He stopped kissing Eddie’s body altogether and leaned back to get a proper look at the other man. Eddie’s hair was in disarray and his suit was rumpled in several places. The sight of him was enough to make Richie’s mouth water. The only thing that ruined the sight of him was the anxious look on his face. 

“I don’t think I can do this”, Eddie whispered, glancing at the front seat as if to make sure if their driver was listening in on their conversation. He bit at his lower lip and looked down at his hands for a moment while Richie’s stomach dropped right through to the depths of hell. Fuck. He’d gone and fucked it all up again. He could have told Eddie that he was sorry for their kiss and that he would be happy if they could stay friends after it. 

And if Eddie had really insisted on being with him, he should have been an adult for once and make Eddie take things slow. Richie remembered all too well the anxiety that came with agreeing to gay sex for the first time after a lifetime of thinking one was straight. He should have ignored his stupid heart and his even stupider dick and told Eddie to stay at the wedding instead of seducing him the moment he had the chance. 

“It’s okay, Eddie.” 

Richie hesitantly cupped the side of the other man’s face in his hand and relished the feeling when Eddie nuzzled against it. At least it seemed he hadn’t lost all favor with him. “We can go back if you want to. You don’t need to come back to the hotel with me if you don’t feel like it. We all make dumb mistakes sometimes, I get it…”

“No!”, Eddie replied almost instantaneously and so loudly it startled their driver, who swerved on the empty road for a moment, “This isn’t what I’m trying to say, you idiot.” He lifted his head and looked Richie directly in the eyes. Immediately, the taller man wanted to kiss him again but he knew it was a stupid idea if he wanted Eddie to believe they could take things at his own pace.

“I want to be with you”, Eddie said next and Richie heaved a sigh of relief, “I just feel like this is moving too fast. We can go back to your room and just make out if that’s okay with you. But I don’t think I’m ready for…anything else. I’m sorry if I’m being stupid here. I thought I wanted to sleep with you but now I don’t think I’m ready…”

“That’s perfectly fine, Eds, okay?” Richie felt bad now, seeing how insecure and worried Eddie looked. He even seemed too in his head to complain about the nickname. “You can always change your mind if you’re not into something anymore I promise. I’m not mad about it and I never will be. All I want is for you to be happy and comfortable around me.” 

Eddie tried a tentative smile at that but didn’t look entirely convinced. Richie understood. He would’ve probably been just as insecure as Eddie about this. And taking into account that for most of his life Eddie had been with people, who didn’t care for his boundaries, Richie could hardly imagine how scary it had to be for the other man to trust him enough to do this. But Richie wanted to prove he was worthy of that trust and that with him, Eddie could change his mind however many times he wanted to and it would still be fine.

“We could still make out and watch a movie or something”, Eddie suggested hesitantly and Richie jumped on that. Not only because he would definitely enjoy making out with Eddie some more but because he wanted Eddie to be able to do things he was comfortable with without them leading to anything more.

“Sure thing!” the brunet smiled and wondered what would be on at midnight on a Saturday “But first I’ll probably need a cold shower so I can stop poking you with my meat rod.” Eddie pulled a face and Richie cringed at his choice of words. He hadn’t meant to be so crude about it but apparently, his mind was well and truly in the gutter at the moment. Luckily, Richie trusted that Eddie knew him well enough not to get upset with for talking about his dick when they just talked about how Eddie wasn’t ready for sex yet. 

They sat in silence for a few moments, neither of them sure what to do next. Finally, Eddie moved a little closer to Richie again, making sure not to brush against the bulge between his legs. 

“Do you mind if we keep making out?” 

Richie didn’t even answer that one. Instead, he simply pulled Eddie in for a tender kiss. At first, the other man still felt a little stiff in his arms but the longer they kept going, Eddie seemed to realize Richie truly wasn’t upset and that he would be happy with whatever they did as long as he got to hold Eddie while they did it. That made the rest of the trip far easier to bear than the awkwardness they had caused themselves minutes before. 

Once they made it to the hotel room, Richie took a cold shower that effectively killed his boner and left him shivering and with chattering teeth. By the time he returned to the main room, Eddie had made himself busy arranging the pillows and blankets on the massive bed and retrieving the least overpriced items from the mini-fridge. He was currently flipping through the channels on the small tv on the opposite wall and completely engrossed in it. And if that wasn’t cute enough, he had apparently raided Richie’s bag and was now sitting on the bed wearing one of the brunet’s shirts and a pair of boxer briefs. For a brief second, Richie feared the sight would be enough to get him back to hardness. But it turned out his heart was more affected by the sight than his dick.

Richie climbed on the bed and flopped down as close to Eddie as he physically could. Following an instinct, he buried his face against the other man’s neck and left a few soft kisses there. He was rewarded with a shiver and gooseflesh breaking out all over Eddie’s body.

“What’re we watching?”, Richie mumbled into the soft skin of Eddie’s neck. The smaller man fumbled with the remote for a few more moments before he dropped it and instead let his hand run over Richie’s thigh.

“The first Jurassic Park is on”, he said on a contented sigh and Richie hummed in agreement. All he really cared about right now was being close to Eddie so he didn’t care if he would miss most of a movie he had already seen about three dozen times. 

They ended up eating some of the ridiculously expensive candy from the mini-fridge first and actually watching the movie for a bit. Eddie complained about all the security issues while Richie tried and failed to make him jealous with stories about the massive crush he’d had on Dr. Ian Malcolm back in the day. But, as expected, once the candy was dealt with conversation died down rather quickly. The two men huddled together between the blankets and pillows Eddie had arranged for maximum closeness and it didn’t take long for them to go back to kissing.

It was far less filthy and urgent than it had been in the car. This time around, both men tried to make it last, to get the most enjoyment out of it for both of them. Eddie was quick to figure out the things Richie liked and applied his new knowledge immediately, turning the taller man to putty in his arms. Richie tried to do the same thing but he was far too distracted by the way Eddie kissed him to really get anywhere with it. And the smaller man didn’t seem to complain so Richie was fine with how things progressed. 

The only downside to their slow and gentle making out was how quickly it made them tired. It wasn’t even that late but the warmth and tenderness they surrounded themselves with did leave Richie and Eddie sleepy rather quickly. After they had to interrupt a kiss for the third time to allow one of them to yawn they agreed that maybe it was for the best to continue this the next day. Richie pressed one last kiss to Eddie’s forehead as the smaller man wrapped himself around him and sighed softly. Eddie was asleep within minutes and Richie wasn’t far behind. 

His brain left him just enough time to marvel at how he was here, in a bed, with Eddie’s head on his chest and one of his arms wrapped around him. It was a lifelong dream come true and Richie couldn’t have been happier if he tried. He drifted off gently running his fingers over Eddie’s back and with a soft smile on his face.

When Richie woke up the next morning, Eddie was still in his arms, drooling onto his shirt and snoring softly. With everyone else, Richie would have probably felt at least a little disgusted or weirded out but on Eddie, it was the most endearing thing he had ever seen. His heart clenched painfully in his chest at the thought that he would only have this for one more day and then he and Eddie would both go back to their homes at different ends of the country. 

Richie had never done a long-distance relationship before – he had barely done relationships at all if he was being honest – and the thought of not being able to be near Eddie constantly felt almost unbearable. For a minute Richie wondered what his manager would say if he decided to move to New York but then quickly discarded that idea again. Eddie would most likely yell at him for at least an hour if Richie suggested uprooting his whole life to be with him after they had only spent one night making out with each other.

Richie sighed and started running one hand through Eddie’s hair. The other man tensed in his sleep for a moment then melted into the touch as a cat would. It was hard for Richie to make out any specifics without his glasses but he was pretty sure Eddie was smiling softly in his sleep. If he could freeze this moment, put it in a blob of amber and conserve it, Richie would do it without a moment’s hesitation. He had loved Eddie hopelessly for so long and even in the almost 30 years in which he had forgotten the other man even existed, there had been a distinct yearning for someone like Eddie. And now Richie was with him and he was sure that his life couldn’t get any better than this. The man he loved, loved him back and was sleeping soundly in his arms. 

“God, I love you so fucking much”, Richie muttered, more to himself than to the sleeping form in his arms. But in his reverie, he must have missed how at some point Eddie had drifted from sleep into consciousness without much of a fuss.

“Don’tcha think it’s a little early for that?”, he asked, blinking his eyes open and looking blearily up at Richie. Momentarily caught off-guard, the taller man turned to the side to get his glasses from the bedside table and come up with a witty remark.

“Well, sorry, Spaghetti”, he said eventually, rolling his eyes dramatically and putting on his ‘50’s drama actress’ voice, “I thought after 30 years we were finally ready to say it but if you still don’t want to commit to us, maybe I have wasted my time.” 

Eddie snorted and shoved at Richie’s shoulder playfully. “Idiot!”

Richie was about to say something but then he watched a more thoughtful expression overtake Eddie’s face and for once he chose to stay quiet. 

“I’m sorry I can’t say it back yet”, Eddie sighed after a few beats of silence, “This is all new and kind of scary for me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, okay? It’s just the words that are difficult to say right now…”

If Richie had thought before that he couldn’t be any more in love with Eddie, it quickly turned out he had been wrong. His heart swelled with more and more emotion after every word from the other man’s mouth and by the time Eddi was done talking, Richie felt like he was going to burst at the seams with how much he loved his partner. A shiver ran down Richie’s spine at that word too. 

Eddie was his partner. It excited him beyond belief and at the same time, it felt too stale and grown-up for them. Maybe it was more fitting for someone their age but Richie didn’t care. He was going to introduce Eddie as his boyfriend everywhere just for how juvenile it would sound to some. If the world had stolen a potentially carefree youth together from them, Richie would do everything he could to make up for lost time now – even if it was by doing something as seemingly meaningless as referring to Eddie as his boyfriend instead of his partner. 

“Fuck, sorry, I spaced out”, Richie blurted out when he saw the worried expression on Eddie’s face and realized he hadn’t in fact reacted to his words at all, “It’s all okay, of course. I’ve waited decades for you to finally be my boyfriend. I can wait as long as you need for the rest.” 

“So I’m really your boyfriend now?”, Eddie asked, a sleepy smile spreading across his face, “I think I like that.” 

At this point, Richie was so overwhelmed with emotion that the only way he felt he could deal with them was to dive in and kiss Eddie hard. He tried putting all that he couldn’t put into words into that kiss and maybe it was a little overwhelming for the smaller man but Eddie wasn’t anything if not always ready for any challenge Richie threw his way. It took all of three seconds for him to gather his wits and kiss Richie back and another five seconds for his fingers to bury themselves in the brunet’s curls once again. Richie, in turn, wrapped one arm tightly around Eddie and placed the other on his hip, caressing the skin there, where the shirt Eddie slept in had ridden up some.

Their kisses once again drifted from sweet and innocent to needy and passionate in almost no time. Richie felt his entire body light up with every touch and every press of Eddie’s lips against his. His brain slowed down and a constant, pleasant hum of excitement manifested itself in Richie’s bloodstream. Then Eddie moved forward a little more, throwing one of his legs over Richie’s so they were truly pressed together head to toe. And when Richie felt the beginnings of an erection against his inner thigh, he was sure he was going to spontaneously combust any second now.

Still, instead of moving forward he awkwardly tried to angle his hips away from Eddie’s. He could feel the blood rushing south in his own body and after Eddie had already been worried about going to fast the night before, Richie didn’t want him to feel pressured. And for a few blessed moments, it worked. Eddie didn’t seem to notice that Richie tried to separate their lower bodies while keeping the upper parts connected. But when Richie moved another few inches away from the other male, Eddie broke the kiss and blinked up at him. 

“Is everything okay?”, he asked, searching Richie’s face, “I know I didn’t brush my teeth but I thought you were okay with it…I can go back to my room and brush my teeth, though, if you want me to.” 

“It’s not about your morning breath.” Richie laughed and let his forehead drop down onto Eddie’s shoulder. He pressed a kiss to the soft skin at the side of his chest and thought about how he could phrase this to cause Eddie the least amount of worry. The fact that he had only woken up about ten minutes ago and that most of the blood in his body was currently between Richie’s legs didn’t help in the slightest. 

“I actually enjoy kissing you a whole lot”, he said and lifted his head again so he could look Eddie in the eyes, “But you said you didn’t want to rush things and I didn’t think that poking you with my massive boner would adequately convey the message that I’m totally fine with that.” 

Eddie looked at him as if he was speaking in tongues for several moments, then let out an exasperated groan and rolled his eyes. “So I panicked a little yesterday but who cares?! You don’t need to treat me like some delicate virgin that can’t stand being near a cock.”

“Oh, so you know how to handle the one-eyed snake is what you’re trying to say?”, Richie teased, unable to stop himself from bursting into laughter at the sight of Eddie’s upset expression. The other man hit him on the arm and pouted for a moment before his expression became softer and maybe a little worried again.

“All I’m saying is you don’t need to make yourself uncomfortable on my behalf”, Eddie argued, then after taking a deep breath added, “And, yeah, I’m not ready to go all the way yet but we can do other things if you want to.”

Laughter died on Richie’s tongue and his mouth was suddenly dry. His dick twitched traitorously between his legs while he was scrabbling for words to say. Eddie wanted him. Eddie wanted to do things to him, with him. _Sexual things_! Richie knew that his excitement was somewhat uncalled for, given they were men in their forties and also, as of last night, boyfriends. But some part of him still felt like he was a teenager, who had just gotten with his first-ever crush and they needed to work things out with each other. And, in a way, that was true. But that didn’t mean it had to involve sexual matters. Where Richie was concerned, he was ready to suck Eddie’s brain out through his dick the second the other man asked. The only thing that worried him was the thought of Eddie getting intimate with him before he was truly ready just because he wanted to please Richie.

“I mean, I always appreciate an offer like this but you really don’t have to”, he said and could already see Eddie’s face falling, “Not that I don’t trust your judgment but I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything to make me happy or some shit. I want us to do things because we both feel like it…”

“Richie…”

Eddie’s sigh sounded just about as disappointed as Richie’s mother had every time he came home with another pair of broken glasses. 

“I appreciate your concern but trust me: I want this. I’ve spent all my life doing what other people expected of me and told me to do. I did what my mom said was good for me and then what my wife said was good for me – and if you make even one joke about how that’s the same thing I’m punching you in the dick. But now I’m not with either of them but with you. And I’m learning to ignore all that fear in my head and do things because _I_ want to do them. Not because anyone tells me what I should and shouldn’t do. So when I tell you I want to do this with you, please trust me that I really do.”

“Okay”, was all Richie could breathe out at that moment, too overwhelmed by what Eddie had said. From one moment to the next, his fear evaporated and he felt like a massive idiot. Through all their lives he had been the one to tell Eddie that he should decide for himself and do what made him happy. And now that the other man was finally doing just that, he doubted him. Luckily, Eddie didn’t seem to take any offense. He smiled gratefully and played with a strand of Richie’s hair, where his fingers were still buried in messy curls.

“Good”, he said, his smile turning a little more mischievous, “Now that that’s dealt with, show me that dick you’ve been bragging about since we were kids.” 

Richie blinked at him a few times, unsure if he had heard correctly. When Eddie stayed quiet and only raised a brow at him, he burst into nervous laughter. By now, he trusted Eddie to actually want this but being sure of something in theory and acting on it for real was something different. 

“You really wanna see?”, Richie asked, an uncomfortable coil of self-consciousness taking up residence in his stomach. He knew he wasn’t unattractive by any standard but Eddie was still a whole other level and laying himself bare in front of him felt like a really big step. For a split-second, Richie was almost ready to bail out and excuse himself to the bathroom for some last-minute manscaping. Then he caught sight of an excited flicker in Eddie’s eyes and with sudden clarity he knew that no matter how he looked or no matter what he did, Eddie would still be into him.

“Hey, stop, spacing out and get naked”, Eddie pouted right at that moment and Richie couldn’t help but laugh again. He leaned in for another kiss and allowed himself to sink into that as he kicked the covers off of them and awkwardly shimmied out of his boxers. Richie heaved a relieved sigh as his dick sprang free and Eddie chose that moment to break the kiss and look down. 

“Holy shit…”

It was said with such awe in his voice that Richie blushed right up to the tips of his ears. He knew that he was on the bigger side as far as dicks went and he also knew that most people didn’t take the jokes about his size seriously. Most of them probably assumed he was overcompensating, and nothing boosted Richie’s ego like proving them wrong. And right now, it seemed like Eddie had been one of those, who didn’t believe Richie actually had a big dick. He kept staring down between Richie’s legs, his expression somewhere between excitement and shock. It would have been cute if it wasn’t so insanely hot at the same time.

Tentatively, Eddie outstretched a hand but just before he touched Richie’s length, he stopped.

“Can I?”, he asked somewhat hesitantly and finally managed to draw his gaze away from Richie’s dick and back to his face. Richie had been fully prepared to crack some type of joke or have at least a witty remark ready to hit Eddie with. But now that he saw the other man, nervousness, and determination mixing on his face and his hand so close to Richie’s dick, he just couldn’t come up with anything.

An awkward “Yes please” was all he got out before Eddie’s fingers wrapped around him and Richie thought he was going to ascend right then and there. It was clear that Eddie had never touched any other dick besides his own and on anyone else, the hesitancy and slow pace would have probably annoyed Richie. But for some reason the way Eddie constantly looked up at Richie’s face, searching for signs of discomfort or maybe a sign that he was doing something right only stoked the fire in the taller man’s belly. Richie felt like he could watch Eddie jerk him off forever, get off on just the sight of his brows furrowing in concentration, and a little bit of tongue peeking out between the smaller man’s lips.

But somehow that felt selfish and Richie wanted to do some touching on his own. He had waited for years to get this close to Eddie and he wasn’t going to just lie there and take what the other was giving him without returning the favor. Richie wanted to touch Eddie too, see his eyes glaze over with lust, and watch him lose himself in the pleasure. Gently, he rested his hands on Eddie’s hips and began to toy with the waistband of the smaller man’s briefs, pulling them down ever so slightly. When Eddie didn’t seem to mind, Richie dragged them down as far as they would go without moving Eddie about too much. Then he wrapped his hand around the smaller man’s length without preamble and gave it a few, lazy strokes. 

Eddie whined and screwed his eyes shut, goosebumps breaking out all over his skin. It was a lovely sight and Richie wished he could take a picture so he could always remember this exact moment. He gave a few more lazy pumps and dragged his thumb over the head of Eddie’s cock, spreading the precum oozing from there down the shaft to make the glide easier. 

Eddie shivered in his arms, the sweetest sounds Richie had ever heard tumbling from his lips. It was all the taller man could have ever dreamed of. He could have comfortably stayed there, the two men jerking each other off as long as they could take it. But soon, that proved to be somewhat of a problem.

The more Richie worked Eddie’s dick over, the more his own got neglected. The smaller man was just too into the pleasure he received to really be able to focus on the giving. And it wasn’t like Richie minded terribly. Where he was concerned, he could bring Eddie to completion and then jerk himself off in the bathroom after if that was what the other man wanted. But part of him was pretty sure Eddie would get upset if their first time didn’t involve them coming together. So Richie devised a plan. 

He let go of Eddie’s dick and received a pained whine from the other man that went straight to his own cock. When Richie then turned away and moved from his side onto his back, Eddie looked so upset, the brunet wanted to pinch his cheek and tell him how cute he was. 

Instead, he patted at his own hips and looked at Eddie expectantly.

“Get on, cowboy. I wanna do something that’s gonna feel real nice.”

Eddie huffed and moved to straddle Richie. The man below him desperately tried to commit every second of it to memory as Eddie tried to get into a good position. Once the smaller man had finally found a position he was comfortable in and that worked with what they wanted to do, he shot Richie a questioning look. Richie forced himself to focus for a moment so he could assess the situation at hand. 

Eddie’s cock was leaking a constant stream of precum by now and with one or two more strokes, that would probably be enough to get them both wet enough to make the slide pleasant. But Richie wouldn’t be Richie if he wasn’t determined to get a reaction out of Eddie at each and every turn. So despite the amount of lubricating bodily fluids already there, the brunet still licked a broad stripe up the palm of his hand and then spit in it too for good measure. The sight of disgust and arousal fighting a battle on Eddie’s face for several seconds was exactly what Richie had wanted to provoke and he couldn’t help but chuckle as he wrapped his hand around their dicks.

Soon enough, the laughter died on his tongue, though, because the feeling of being so closely connected with Eddie was just too overwhelming. Richie had been planning on starting with a slow rhythm but before he knew it, his hand was already pumping them at a steady pace. Above him, Eddie full-body shuddered and he slumped forward to hold onto Richie’s shoulders. For a moment Richie wanted to lean up on one elbow and try and kiss Eddie but he doubted they’d get into any proper kissing position without it either messing with Eddie’s back or Richie’s efforts at getting them off successfully. So he settled for fixing his gaze on Eddie’s face and committing all his expressions to memory. 

Feeling himself get closer almost embarrassingly quickly, Richie tightened his grip on his and Eddie’s length and the other let out a punched-out groan. It was music to the taller man’s ears and he kept doing everything he could to wring more of those sounds out of Eddie. Richie was pretty sure there was no finesse at all to what he was doing right now but at this point, he was too far gone to care. And when Eddie’s hips started moving forward in short, aborted thrusts every now and again, the brunet was sure that this was going to end far earlier than he had thought. For a short moment, Richie wondered if there was anything he could do to hold off but then Eddie opened his mouth and a desperate “Richie… _fuck_ …” fell from his lips and the taller man was done for. 

Richie was now chasing his pleasure for real, hoping desperately that he could bring Eddie off with him. The smaller man seemed just as close as Richie felt so he gave it his all to get him to his climax.

“I got you, babe”, he whispered, a little surprised himself by how low and husky his voice sounded right now. But it sent another shiver down Eddie’s spine so he wasn’t going to complain. Instead, Richie placed his free hand high on Eddie’s thigh, squeezing gently and then harder, relishing in the whines of pleasure it drew from the other men. By now, Eddie’s fingers were digging painfully into Richie’s shoulders and he was pretty sure he was going to have marks there for several days. The thought had warmth spreading all through Richie’s body and before he really knew it was happening he was coming.

Even with how close he had already been, Richie’s orgasm took him by surprise with the sheer force of it. Only the tiniest bit of shame that he didn’t manage to get Eddie off first mixed with the ecstasy now clouding every last of Richie’s thoughts. White-hot pleasure coursed through his body at the speed of light, making his toes curl and every muscle tense up. The pleasure that had been coiled up tightly in Richie’s belly released suddenly and almost violently and all he could hear was the drumming of his own heartbeat hammering in his ears. He hoped desperately that the noises he was making weren’t too embarrassing and that he was only imagining the single tear running down his cheek as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

It took Richie almost a full minute to recover and when he managed to blink his eyes open again, the sight of Eddie above him, flushed, panting and his pupils blown wide with arousal, was almost enough to get him off a second time. Eddie whimpered above him, hips twitching desperately to get some form of friction. Richie realized belatedly that his grip on their erections had gone pretty lax when he came and immediately went to remedy that. His hand wrapped around only Eddie’s dick this time. The grip was tight and Richie moved his hand with intent. 

In the end, it took only about three or four more strokes until Eddie was coming too, crying out Richie’s name as his release mixed with Richie’s own on his hand and belly. The sight of Eddie coming on top of him was intoxicating and Richie wanted to see this again every day until he died. 

When Eddie finally came down from his high, he looked about ready to collapse onto Richie’s chest. But one look at the mess of their combined release on the taller man’s chest made him stop. Richie wanted to coo at the expression of disgust on Eddie’s face. 

Now that the urgency of chasing his orgasm was gone, everything Eddie did went from hot to adorable like someone had flicked a switch in Richie’s brain. Unable to form words just yet, he gestured for Eddie to just let himself fall but the other shook his head and got off the bed instead. Richie watched him vanish in the hotel room’s small bathroom and heard water running a moment later. It was almost enough to lull him to sleep. But before he could drift off, a cold, wet towel landed on his stomach. 

“Hey, I can do that myself”, Richie complained, his voice almost an octave higher than usual from the cold. Eddie only snorted dismissively at his protest.

“I’ve known you almost thirty years and if I know one thing about you it’s that you’ve never cleaned anything properly in your life…”

Richie let out a disbelieving laugh and then squirmed for about a minute as Eddie set to rubbing his stomach clean with a decidedly too coarse towel.

“You done there?”, he asked when the smaller man finally stopped and observed his work. When Eddie nodded, Richie took the towel from him and threw it across the room before pulling Eddie back down on top of him. Being close to Eddie like this, their bodies touching from head to toe was all Richie could have ever dreamed of and he relished every second of it. He figured he could comfortably stay like this forever and loathed the thought of having to get up and move at any point in the foreseeable future. But of course, Eddie had no qualms of reminding him that there was no way they were going to be staying in bed all day.

“Don’t fall back asleep on me”, he chided from where his head rested comfortably on Richie’s chest, “They don’t serve breakfast forever and I’m starting to get real hungry…” 

“Can’t we just order room service and I feed you some chocolate-covered strawberries?”, Richie wanted to know. On top of him, Eddie rolled his eyes at the cliché scenario and he decided to bring that particular fantasy of his up for conversation again at a later time in their relationship.

“We’ve made enough of a mess of this bed as it is”, Eddie decided and lifted his head slightly so he could make sure that Richie saw the look of disapproval on his face, “Plus we’re invited to lunch with the others later and I know how horrible your time management is. If I allow you to stay in bed now, you won’t let me leave either until we’re running late for lunch and I’m not letting that happen.”

Richie sighed dreamily. “I love how we’ve been together for not even twelve hours yet and it already feels like we’ve been married for twelve years, Eds.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and swatted lightly at Richie’s chest. Nevertheless, a soft smile spread on his face and he allowed them a few more minutes of relaxation and basking in the other’s presence. When Eddie finally decided it was time to get ready, Richie managed to convince him to just get his things from his room and come back here to get dressed together.

The domesticity of getting ready with Eddie by his side, bickering as they got dressed and brushed their teeth after a much-needed shower, was more than Richie could have ever dreamed of and he had no idea how he was supposed to deal with going back to living alone after he knew now what things could be like with Eddie by his side. More than once Richie had to bite his tongue over breakfast to stop himself from asking Eddie to move in with him right away. But in the end, it was Eddie who brought the topic of distance up as they went to his room to pack the rest of his stuff to move it to Richie’s room until they had to leave the next day.

“I know I’m gonna regret this because you’re gonna get a big head about it but I’m really gonna miss you”, Eddie sighed as he rolled his suitcase into the room and placed it next to Richie’s own. Now that Eddie had brought up the topic, Richie saw his chance to suggest moving in together. If Eddie complained, he could always say it was the smaller man, who started talking about it in the first place.

“I mean…I do have a guest room if you ever feel like leaving New York for the west coast”, Richie suggested, keeping his tone light so he could always brush it off as a joke in case Eddie got angry or something. But the other man had known him for most of his life and saw through Richie’s deflection strategies with ease.

“Richie…”

Eddie took a step toward him and grabbed him by the front of the colorful shirt he was wearing above a more boring, black shirt. He looked up at Richie like someone, who had to scold a puppy and hated himself for it but knew that he had to do it now or the thing would never actually listen. 

“I know being apart after not seeing each other so long and then finally talking about all that stuff between us is gonna suck”, Eddie said softly and Richie could hear the pain in his voice, “Trust me, I hate the thought just as much as you do. But right now I just don’t feel ready for such a big step and I’d hate for us to ruin what we have now by barging forward like this. Just think about how long it took us to get here. I’d rather wait another couple of months until I feel ready than ruin this by doing something irrational. Do you understand?”

Richie did. Everything Eddie said made perfect sense, as usual. But that didn’t change the fact that his heart was still throwing a tantrum like a kid that was denied a piece of candy. Rationally, Richie knew that Eddie was right but he still _wanted_ to do the wrong thing even if he knew it might only make him happy for a few weeks and then miserable for much longer.

Eddie seemed to sense the turmoil inside him and smiled sympathetically. Then he got on his tiptoes and pressed his lips to Richie’s in a kiss that wanted to say _‘I hate this too but it’s for the best_ ’. After a few more moments of wanting to protest and argue just for the sake of it, Richie finally gave in and returned the kiss. The thought of not being able to kiss Eddie whenever he wanted for the foreseeable future was almost enough to bring him to tears. For a moment, Richie felt stupid being so emotional but then they broke their kiss and he opened his eyes to see that Eddie’s were definitely brimming with unshed tears too.

“I have like twenty days of paid vacation left this year so maybe we can make some good use of that”, Eddie suggested after a moment and Richie nodded eagerly. They would make the distance work somehow. They would have to. It was obvious that neither of them like the idea of being separated again but it was obvious enough that they both wanted to make this work and that was what assured Richie more than anything that things would indeed work out.

“Heck yeah”, was all the brunet trusted himself to say without bursting into tears. Gently, he pulled Eddie in for another kiss. This time it was full of longing and promises of a future together on the horizon. Richie wanted that moment to last forever, to hold Eddie close and forget that they would have to part the next morning. 

Then Eddie’s phone rang, the shrill sound breaking the comfortable silence. The kiss ended rather abruptly and Eddie jumped back to fumble his phone out of his pants to check what was going on.

“Oh damn, we need to get going”, Eddie sighed and put the phone away again. Richie immediately wrapped his arms around Eddie and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Don’t you think we got time for some quick mouth action before we _really_ need to leave?” To emphasize his point he licked his lips so obnoxiously Eddie couldn’t stop a smile from spreading on his face even as a frown tried to fight its way there at the same time.

“Richie”, he whined, “What did I say about your horrible time management?” 

“I know what you said and that’s exactly why I suggest we do this”, Richie explained, the grin on his face only growing wider, “Everyone expects us to be late anyway because everyone thinks I have an awful influence on you. So basically they’re giving us a ‘get out of jail free’ card here.” Eddie looked at him and for a moment Richie thought he was actually considering the offer. But then he just hit Richie on the chest with about half as much force as Richie knew Eddie was capable of and wriggled himself free from Richie’s grip.

“I’m not going to be late to Bev’s post-wedding lunch just because you’re banking on some big entrance”, he grumbled and began to move around the room to gather the things he needed. Richie had no idea what Eddie would even need half those things for but he wasn’t going to question it. 

Instead, he pocketed his wallet, phone, and the keycard to the room and waited by the door like a dog looking to go on a walk. When Eddie was finally done and joined him, Richie took his hand on instinct as he opened the door. For a split-second, he worried that this was too much. He had no idea what was okay with Eddie and what wasn’t. Richie had just felt like holding the other man’s hand and that was why he had taken it. 

Luckily, Eddie didn’t mind and squeezed Richie’s hand softly.

They stepped into the elevator and on the way down, their eyes met. A look full of love and understanding passed between them and the feeling it conveyed nudged itself somewhere deep into Richie’s core. He still hated the idea of being separated from Eddie again but somehow he was now more assured that things would still work out. They would find ways to spend time with each other and work towards a life together and for now, that had to be enough. And it would be. It was more than Richie had ever dared hope for anyway.

So when they exited the elevator again on the ground floor, Richie was smiling ridiculously wide. Sure, they only had one day left together for now but they would spend that in the company of their closest friends which meant they would make the most of it either way. And maybe he could convince Eddie to set a date for when they would see each other again later. It would give Eddie something to plan and himself something to look forward to.

Almost subconsciously, Richie squeezed Eddie’s hand. He had been anxious and afraid to lose a friend when he had first entered the hotel and now he left it again, excited, and with the love of his life by his side. The world seemed bright and new for maybe the first time in Richie’s life when he looked into Eddie’s eyes again. He was looking forward to the future. _Their_ future, his brain supplied and suddenly having to wait a few months to move in with each other didn’t seem such an unsurmountable obstacle anymore. They had the rest of their lives with each other ahead of themselves and Richie couldn’t wait for that to begin…

**Author's Note:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed! Comments and kudos are much appreciated and you can come say hi on twitter @NoiseStrangest!


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